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WHAT WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T WORK IN MAIL ORDER

THE BEST ADS OF ALL TIME

"CHOOSE YOUR LOVER" claims the headline in this full-page ad, one of the top 100 mail order ads of all time. Taking up almost the entire top half of this page are 7 pictures of beautiful women's faces. The order form is about 2 inches square in the bottom right hand corner, not big enough to actually fill out. But that won't stop a geek who hasn't had a date in 5 years from ordering this book, after he reads the small print.

The subheadings read "HOW TO MEET AND DATE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN", "JUST A PART OF THE AMAZING KNOWLEDGE YOU CAN GAIN FROM THIS BOOK", "HOW TO SCORE WITH GIRLS", "A SMALL SAMPLE OF WHAT YOU'LL LEARN". Scattered about underneath these headings are some wonderful lies: "How to turn the female's relentless trait of curiosity into a weapon that drives her to you like a super-charged leopard", "The single most important secret of scoring with any type of girl" and "How to pick up sensational ladies without even trying". There's a fifteen day money-back guarantee above the order form. The book (I believe this ad may be very old) costs $8.95 + $1 P/H. This is the kind of stuff that makes money, folks. Real products, advertised in real magazines (the ones you find in bookstores), that satisfy a burning desire that the reader had BEFORE he started flipping through the magazine.

Let's briefly consider some more of the top 100 mail order ads of all time:

"THE LAZY MAN'S WAY TO RICHES"

Subheading: "Most People Are Too Busy Earning A Living To Make Any Money".

This is the ultra-famous Joe Karbo ad in which he introduced the offer to NOT cash the customer's check for 31 days; during that time period the customer had the option of returning the book and asking for the check back. The entire ad except the headline is small print; the order form is too small to be filled in by a human being; there are testimonials from people who claim to have made as much as a half million dollars in a year following Joe's advice; and the entire nature of the book is kept completely secret throughout the ad - just a lot of hype, really. (Please note that one marketing expert says he heard that Joe's book was so awful than an alarming number of people did return it, a fact which not many people know (if it's true) and which Joe seemed to hide pretty well).

"OHIO MAN DISCOVERS THE SECRET OF HOW TO ESCAPE THE AMERICAN RAT RACE"

Subheading: "7 Simple Rules Net This Working Man Without Any Money Or Experience $145,000 in First Year"

This follows in the footsteps of the previous ad. There was room for plenty of competition for Mr. Karbo all those years ago - the market of North Americans who want to believe they can get rich without being productive is endless, and always will be. This ad is in small type with a pointless picture of a guy on the phone and his family in the background. Most of the ad is in a question-and-answer format. There is no order form.

"137 PERFECTLY LEGAL WAYS TO GET A CHECK OUT OF UNCLE SAM"

This one was written by Gary Halbert, and I don't know of any American alive that could possibly read this ad and not truly believe that he or she could get previously unclaimed money from the government. The copy is very compelling. The order form is so small that if you've ever seen this ad, you probably wondered why they bothered putting it in at all. The belief is that, though it's too small to use, the "tiny order form" method is a psychological trigger that makes people think of ordering instead of just reading the ad and then flipping the page. But I bet a lot of people DON'T order out of sheer exasperation that the ad isn't user friendly. There's a nice picture of the White House.

"THE AMAZING DIET SECRET OF A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE"

Subheadings include (of course) "No Hunger", "76% More Energy", "No Exercise", and other nonsense.

"MAKES YOUR HOME IMMUNE TO SWARMING ROACHES"

I'm not queasy when it comes to bugs, folks, but there's a picture of a couple of huge roaches in this ad which could make anybody sick. I'd bet a million bucks that the emotion of disgust is the single most important factor in the success of this ad.

"HAVE YOU EVER BOWLED A STRIKE AND SAID, "I'VE GOT IT!"?

This ad says their book will teach you how to hypnotize yourself and use your subconscious mind to become a better bowler.

"HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A PRACTICE GOLF SWING AT A DANDELION?"

Same as the bowling ad, only for golf.

"HOW TO DEVELOP CHARISMA: THE ART OF ATTRACTING AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE"

You can order an $8 book or a $25 cassette series.

"MY FEET WERE KILLING ME ... UNTIL I DISCOVERED THE MIRACLE IN GERMANY!"

There's a huge picture of a foot with a series of concentric circles amanating from a spot that's obviously supposed to be in pain. It would be difficult to flip through a magazine with this ad in it and not notice it - and if you're feet were killing you at the time, you'd probably ask for more information about these foot supports which go into your shoes (this is a rare full-page ad which is designed to collect inquiries instead of make sales directly). -"HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE" The famous Dale Carnegie book was one of the hottest mail order ads ever. You get the book free and if you decide to keep it, it's just $1.96 (God, this ad is OLD! Also, people must have been a lot more honest back then - these days people ordering stuff on credit simply refuse to pay for it.)

THEY LAUGHED WHEN I SAT DOWN AT THE PIANO BUT WHEN I STARTED TO PLAY! -"

This ad was a runaway success. It promises to teach you how to learn to play any instrument very quickly, and gives away a free booklet and demonstration lesson; the package they send in reply also offered to sell the instrument, to those who didn't own one. Obviously the secret of this ad may have been the nice profit margin that musical instruments are sold at.

What I hope you've been learning from these successful ads is:

the importance of the headline. All the best ads have headlines at least a half-inch tall and they make it CLEAR just what is being offered. Trickiness and humor do NOT work, unless it is the sort of trickiness or humor that simultaneously tells the reader what the ad is about.
the importance of claiming to solve a problem or fulfill an intense desire shared by a huge number of people - the desire for more sex, the need for more money, the desire to lose weight, increase beauty, ease your aching feet, etc.

TRAP YOURSELF INTO BEING SUCCESSFUL

Overcoming procrastination is no small matter - each of us would get everything we want out of life if we took enough action. Obviously, we don't always do this. Overcoming procrastination is a matter of pleasure and pain. While at your assembly line job you may be bristling with frustration at your boss. You may be bored with the meaninglessness of your task. While standing there perhaps you are full of desire to make it big by moonlighting with your own mail order business. But when you get home you crush the pain with the instant gratification of a baseball game on the television and a mind numbing cold beer. Needless to say, you've just blown it. Willpower is a nifty concept but a lousy reality. Is there a way to achieve success in spite of this? I'm glad you asked ...

ADVERTISE AHEAD OF TIME

If you are working on a new product or service, your advertisements should be prepared as soon as you know what the major benefits of the final offer will be. With the ads just waiting to be presented to your market, you will begin to work harder at finalizing your offer so you can RUN those ads and make money. Even more important, order your advertising before the offer is completed. You'll know when your ads are going to appear, and that's the date that people are going to start pestering you to buy your widget or service or to get more information. If that fact doesn't give you the kick in the pants you need to get things done fast, then you don't belong in business. Consider a job with the government instead.

WRITTEN CONTRACTS

There's nothing like the pressure of legal obligation (and the possibility of legal prosecution) to force you into action and complete a project which involves another business party. 'Nuff said.

VERBAL CONTRACTS

Interpersonal pressure is a leading human motivating force. All through school I performed meaningless unenjoyable tasks, went without sleep and nearly lost my mind because some stupid professor told me to. I would never work that hard for myself (I don't hate myself). The important distinction is that humans will very often put off a task if the only pressure comes from themselves. It's often more productive to enter an agreement with someone else and then let your natural desires take over - like saving face, appearing like a winner, not disappointing people, getting off on the right foot, etc. Just don't give yourself the option of saying "I'll do it tomorrow", or you probably will never do it at all.

SPECIAL "TIMING TRAPS"

Once I decided it was time to put all the information I had gathered and composed to that date into 3 information products. I knew that I was going to visit my brother at Christmas and work with him on his publishing equipment to make these products ready for the printer. There was absolutely no way in this world that I could have escaped the necessity of getting everything ready before visiting him. God, what an exhausting week that was for both of us! It's amazing what you can do - when you have no choice!

THE CUSTOMER VALUE APPROACH TO MAIL ORDER WEALTH

A direct mail campaign sent to people who have bought something from you will usually generate at least twice and sometimes ten times or more revenue than a mailing sent to people who have NOT bought anything from you. Because of this fact, you should concentrate your up-front marketing dollars on turning inquirers into customers at a LOW PURCHASE LEVEL, then have the patience to let the REAL money come in slowly and surely during the weeks and months and years AFTER the original purchase, which turned the curious and skeptical inquirer into a satisfied customer.

How can you increase the prospect-to-customer conversion?

CHEAP OFFERS. Your attempt to get a first-time purchase should always involve a low purchase level, $20 or less. Quite simply, people are almost never willing to spend a significant amount of money on a company that they have no experience buying from.
INTRODUCTORY DISCOUNTS. It's not enough to simply make the cheap introductory offer. You need to make a big production out of it, preferrably a long salesletter. My introductory "Killer Salesletters" wind up with an offer a fraction of the cost of the typical sort of offer made with a four-page salesletter.
MAKE IT URGENT. Put a time-limit on your offer. It's bad enough that there are so many other people besides you who are trying to sell one thing or another to your prospect. If you don't make it seem urgent that he or she order from YOU and do it SOON, you're only decreasing the chances of turning her into a customer.

The sort of direct marketing that I and most other companies do breaks down into 2 types: "customer creation direct marketing" and "customer squeezing direct marketing". The former is often a pain in the ass, but always necessary. It is sometimes profitable, sometimes not. Customer creation direct marketing is your attempt to turn as many prospects (some of which are really in the market and some of which are curiosity seekers) as possible into customers - TO GET THEM TO BUY SOMETHING - ANYTHING. Something that costs at least $5 and not more than $19.95. Your goal here is simple: to build your customer list.

"Customer squeezing direct marketing" is ultra-enjoyable. It is a simple matter of enjoying the fruits of your labor - the customer database you have created. You should be able to make a large profit when you mail offers to your list of recent customers. The only barrier to mail order wealth, therefore, is that we all start with a customer database of zero size, and it grows much more slowly than we'd like. That's life.

HOW TO GET PROSPECTS TO REMEMBER YOU SO THAT THEY BECOME CUSTOMERS

DON'T SELL JUNK. People don't have time to create a space for you in their brain unless you have something useful and honest to offer them.

USE MEANINGFUL MESSAGES. Meaningful messages are learned more than meaningless ones. Ie., "15 Steps To Buying And Selling Real Estate With No Money Down To Become A Millionaire In 1 Year" is more meaningful than "Fabulous Money Maker". Even your company name is a message; some company names are meaningless, some are meaningful.

CONTACT THEM REPEATEDLY. Contact your prospect just once, and they probably won't remember you at all, at least not consciously. Unless your message is very unique and in huge demand, you can't afford NOT to contact your prospects at least 5 or 6 times in as short a time frame as possible.

EMPHASIZE BENEFITS AT THE START AND END OF EVERY PIECE OF ADVERTISING MATERIAL. Remember the psychological phenomena of primacy and recency. People remember the first and last more than they remember the middle.

USE UNIQUE AND UNUSUAL MESSAGES. But make sure that the reader still knows right from the start what you are offering. Originality is OK only if it is directly relevant and is somehow beneficial - simply using clever phrases and jokes does not work.

REWARD THE PROSPECT FOR PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU. People will tend to enjoy doing something if they are rewarded for it. Let's say your prospect gets halfway through a long salesletter and you reward them for reading that far by saying "To show my appreciation for reading this far, call my toll-free number, state the code word "Cowabunga" and leave your address. I'll send my free report on selling to Eskimoes". That prospect will likely remember you, especially if he takes you up on your special offer.

BE A MANIPULATIVE S.O.B. Just after getting your prospects into an emotional state is a good time to present the message that you want to stick in your prospect's mind. This message may be that you have a new product, that you are having a sale, or whatever. How do you get your prospect emotionally elevated? Remind them of the painfulness of not having what you are selling. Remind them of the joy of having what you are selling. Bring up sensitive issues and assure them that your shared viewpoint on the matter is the "right" one. Sensitive issues include abortion, business ethics, capital punishment, etc.

SIMPLER MESSAGES ARE LEARNED EASIER. Self-explanatory.

ARE YOU A BUSINESSPERSON OR A HOBBYIST?

There are 2 clearly definable sets of people in the mail order industry - hobbyists and businesspeople. This isn't exactly the inner circle, outer circle distinction I discussed last month; there are hobbyists and businesspeople in both the inner and outer circles. The outer circle, being the real business world, is much more quick to chew hobbyists up and spit them out - so you don't see them around so much. In the inner circle, people are active hobbyists for decades. I feel that one of the central reasons why so many people who get into mail order quit so quickly is that they didn't learn to make the key distinction between these 2 types of people. Thousands of people seriously commit time and money each year to learning the mail order industry via the inner circle, looking for something to sell, experimenting with advertising, free publicity, direct marketing, telemarketing, learning new computer skills, etc.

Out of every few thousand people that do this, a handful "stick" and become inner circle hobbyists. Maybe they publish a single page adsheet, and that's all they've been doing for the past 30 years and that's all they'll ever do. Some mail chain letters and nothing else. There are, believe it or not, chain letter addicts in the U.S.A. and Canada who actually believe that one day they will find or create a chain letter that they will mail and get rich from. Really, I'm not making this up.

Am I knocking hobbyists? Yes and no. On the one hand, we all need friends in this world. We need something to do with our time, since the human brain quickly becomes bored if not given a meaningful and time-consuming task. Humans have a never-ending need to achieve greater understanding and try new things, to read, to talk to people. "Hobbymail" fills all these needs for some people. And when it comes right down to it, not everyone is meant to be a businessperson! The problem with hobby mail is when it gets mixed up with bona-fide money-making mail order businesses and confuses the life out of sincere newcomers who just want to get down to the business of making money. So if you're just beginning and you're confused by the conflicting messages you are receiving from a combination of businesspeople and hobbyists, and you are intent on being a SERIOUS BUSINESSPERSON who MAKES MONEY, here are a few things to remember.

BUSINESSPEOPLE MUST OWN A COMPUTER

You can run a hobby mail enterprise without a computer, but you must have one if you want to be a businessperson. At the very least you will be word processing and doing mailing list management on too big a scale to be able to make do without one eventually.

"MONEY-MAKING" IS NOT A BUSINESS!

Mail order hobbyists often publish circulars and salesletters which make "money making" sound as if it were a business in itself, like selling shoes, brewing beer, dusting crops or making T-shirts. But you can't just "make money". You must earn it by providing something that people want. Money comes as a byproduct of doing that.

DON'T HARRASS YOUR CUSTOMERS!

Does your local grocery store demand you bring your own bags? Does a barbershop demand an admittance fee before you even decide whether you're going to get your hair cut there? Do movie theatre owners charge you for a percentage of their heating or air conditioning costs on top of what they're charging for the movie? MOST CERTAINLY NOT. Yet many mail order dealers do exactly that - they charge the customer for their costs of doing business.

The ONLY sensible reason to use a 1-900 number or to ask for a dollar or a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE) is to qualify prospects - to make sure the inquirer is serious enough about your offer to at least go to the trouble of coughing up a stamp or a buck or pay for a phonecall. But as far as the "But I Need To Cover My Costs" philosophy goes, this is just a case of incredible short-sightedness and possibly a lack of start-up capital. You'll save money in the short term because your envelopes and stamps will be free. But in the long run your customers will see you as a person who cannot even afford stamps, as a miserly or un- generous person who asks them to help you pay your costs of doing business.

Your long-term profit potential from a secured and happy customer SHOULD BE hundreds of dollars of clear profit (if it isn't, it might be a good idea for you to give me a phone call or write me a letter so we can discuss your marketing plan). If someone's on your list for several months and they don't become a customer, you should kick them off your list anyway. The lesson?

ESTABLISH A VERY COMFORTABLE PROFIT MARGIN AND DON'T ENGAGE IN PRICE WARS

You'll be able to pay for your own stamps, envelopes, and everything else, because of the profits from sales. Price warriors have an alarming tendency to either go out of business fast or just never get anywhere because (surprise, surprise) without a profit margin, they never make any money. Businesspeople (not hobbyists) who sell quality merchandise for what it's worth have a much EASIER time of making money IN THE LONG RUN. There's a growing place for "bargain basement" selling in North America but it's still far smaller than the rest of the business world. In fact, they're kind of a novelty - factory seconds stores with no sales people to help you, grocery stores that charge extra for bags, etc. It's a little disappointing to see this, in my opinion. Our business world in North America is eating itself up because of these standards-lowering practices, when it could be employing sales personnel, interior decorators, etc. Thank God there will always be a place for the provider of quality merchandise and service who isn't afraid to make some money.

TIME TO LET SOMEONE ELSE PAN MLM FOR A CHANGE ...

(An announcement from Tom Williams, who recently sent me a copy of his fantastic new manual, "MLM - Friend Or Foe?")

For me even to try to describe what has happened in MLM in a short article would be like trying to explain all the reasons for the problems with our government in the last 20 or 30 years. You could write several books on both. Our system of government was established by our founding fathers and was geared to work ... on paper. But, then, human nature stepped in and slowed screwed it all up over the years. MLM began several decades ago and was also geared to work ... on paper. Guess what? Human nature stepped in again and reared its ugly head, making it practically impossible for anyone to succeed in this business. Now, I know that some of you reading this who have been in the business 20 years, and haven't made a dime yet, are probably going to say "This guy doesn't know what he's talking about." Well, I can promise you this ... if you are really serious about finding out the REAL TRUTH and how the odds are greatly stacked against you, then you'll have to let your ego and pride disappear for a few minutes while you read "MLM - Friend Or Foe?". In it, you'll find the answers you've all been looking for. If you think you've failed in MLM all these years, you won't be blaming yourself anymore after reading this book. I'll show you exactly how today's MLM programs are wired to self-destruct and leave you flat broke in the process. I'll tell you exactly what the secrets are behind some of the plans and systems that usually end up profitting the company, the originator and the few people at the very top of the MLM program.