Debt is Deadly (My debt is the end of my days)

by Scott Bilker
Scott Bilker is the author of the best-selling books, Talk Your Way Out of Credit Card Debt, Credit Card and Debt Management, and How to be more Credit Card and Debt Smart. He's also the editor and publisher of DebtSmartŪ.

I've thought deeply about whether I should share this email, and my response, even though Nancy did give me permission to do so. In the end, I felt it important for all of us to see how people feel beyond the numbers, the money, and strategy of handling debt. How it affects one's psyche. How it affects one's emotions. And why we all need to learn from this.

This is the first time I've ever received an email like this. This email changed the way I think about everything. My hope is that by sharing her story, it will change how we all think about what we DO have and what's REALLY important in life.

Thankfully, I have been corresponding with Nancy and she's still with us. I will be following up with Nancy and keep you posted with her story.

Scott,
My debt is the end of my days. I am 45 and had thought that by this time I would have my own home and a nice little mortgage. But life had other ideas. I'm married with two beautiful children. I had also planned on a college fund by now.

However, I now know all of the following to be fact.

1. I will never own a car that has not belonged to someone else first.
2. I will never know the thrill of closing on any type of place that my children will be able to call home forever.
3. There will never be a college fund no matter how hard I try.
4. There has come a time that I never dreamed of: my children tell me they hate being poor and they are right. While we are not destitute we will never be far from the edge.
5. There will never be a day that I can tell my children that they have as much or more than I had as a child, and finally...
6. There will probably very soon come a night when I cannot handle the pressure of creditors, the embarrassment of my children when they see what their friends lives are like, the pain in their eyes as they realize that things will never be different much less better, the personal stigma attached to the knowledge that in order to get money from me my creditors must go to court and my reality... that there is only one way to lessen the burden of being one of the have-nots and not one of the haves. Due to a disability I am required to take many different medications. When the night comes no one would know that the amount or the mixture would be fatal. Only I would know. On this night I will go to sleep, my mind will go blank, my breath will cease to move within my chest and the constant pain in my heart will, at last, be gone.
7. There will be a cause of death as accidental overdose.
8. There will be a life insurance policy with my children named as equal benefactors.

You have made a grave error in saying that debt is overwhelming.

In this American society ...debt is deadly. My debt problem is deadly.

Nancy

Nancy,

PLEASE DON'T DO IT!! Your children need you more than money! They don't care about stuff. They love you! They're two beautiful children that need their mother and father. They'll be able to get through anything as long as you're there!

You're strong to be able to tell me how you feel. I wouldn't have the courage that you did to send that email. You're family is lucky to have you...PLEASE know that you have only ONE major responsibility in life. And that is to be alive and as healthy as possible for your children. To be their parent when they're adults--when they have families.

You would destroy the family if you leave and who knows if the insurance would pay. I have insurance and I'm not confident that, in the end, they would pay! I won't be here to fight for the money. Insurance companies make money when you pay them, not when they pay beneficiaries. Insurance companies will look for every loophole imaginable to get out of paying.

There are many financial options available to you. Bankruptcy, settling debts, gee...worst case is just don't pay! Don't let the creditors take the life of your children's mother!

Here's my personal list (and it may sound familiar):

1. I will never own a car that has not belonged to someone else first. And shit, I wouldn't want a new car anyway! They're a rip-off! A total waste of money!
2. I will never know the thrill of closing on any type of place that my children will be able to call home forever. That's because I don't plan to be anywhere forever, but I do plan to be with them no matter where we are. Nothing is forever. Everything is borrowed. Every atom in your body is borrowed and will be returned to the universe some day--long into the future!
3. There will never be a college fund no matter how hard I try because I'm not going to make one. I'll do my best now and learn about opportunities for funding college as they get closer to that age. They may get scholarships, and if not, I'll make it work!

Nancy, what does you husband do? Is he a good man? He must love you dearly. Does he know how you feel?

Please Nancy, write back to me soon, let me know you're still here.

I have shed some tears for you on this morning and I know that your children's tears would be neverending if they were to lose you. I don't want to lose you.

Please write back to me right away.

Scott